Song in my mine ~ The Ballad of Booth - Assassins the musical

Damn, you Johnny,
You paved the way
For other madmen
To make us pay.
Lots of madmen
Have had their say-
But only for a day.

Listen to the stories.
Hear it in the songs.
Angry men
Don't write the rules
And guns don't write the wrongs.

Hurts a while,
But soon the country's
Back where it belongs,
And that's the truth.

Still and all,
Damn you Booth!

Interesting....  in researching what I hope will be my next venture into Musical Theatre much to the displeasure of my boss... hehe...  I got a tidbit of the lyrics, that kinda fit with interactions with my Father that I don't spend a lot of time with...  But after he basically told me my idea of what's happening in the country is "Fuzzy", and that during the Civil War it was brother against brother, father against son....   And he already is waiting to "blow peoples' heads off when they come for his guns....  I thought of two things... One where Jesus says, those that live by the sword will die by the sword...  And now the above "Angry men, Don't write the rules, and guns don't write the wrongs....

When will the human race will ever learn...  And all because some folks are getting a free cell phone, that maybe might not deserve them... 

Well camping went overall well.  Ceeto was def not a happy camper so he didn't camp too long.. (he is a cat...)  his old friend Deoge used to love to camp, but Ceeto is not a outdoorish cat...  Oh well I was desperate not to camp totally alone...  Yeah other then Shawn like txt'd me at 3am on Sunday the day before I left, no one wanted to "rough it" with me...  even with the temptation of "boat"....  But in attempt to save $45 dollars, I thought it wouldn't be a bad thing to contact my father to borrow one of his parking permits, that would save me having to pay $5 dollars a day just to park... and well I thought it would help him with his wish to "know each other better"....

Well some points....

- I still don't understand living with his 2nd ex wife....  who both seem just barely ok with the situation.

- He hasn't changed with just being "him" about really showing a lack of respect for anyone at any given time.  Some of the things he said about my mom, are some of the nicest I heard in years, but on the same token... completely off color rude and disrespectful.

- He insisted to point out every chicky babe he saw...  Thinking I needed the help or wanted to see such chicky babes....   Thank you Bradford....  For a small town...  you didn't seem to do your job and making sure he knew I'm not into....  ah.....   um....  "Chicky Babes".....

-His version of things are a little different of what others remember

- Oh of course the above mention that..  I may or may not need to fear him blowing off my head when the upcoming revolutionary war part 2 happens....  Hell I don't think I can even blame Fox News on this...  He makes Fox News seem liberal.

But overall camping was relaxing and some really nice (although HOTT!!) days....

But after that, a week later I crashed a bit..  Called in sick 2.5 days...  The whole him not admitting he knows I'm gay...  Him wanting to be apart.. and me wondering what right if any does he even deserve to know that I'm gay...  And then..... 

Bored and wondered why I got a text at 3AM from Shawn, a week ago I texted him to wonder why he hadn't responded to my response.

He felt he needed to tell me that he finally came out to his parents.  Which they paid him in kind to send him to some Pray Away the Gay place in Florida..  (Remember there is a part of me that even questions this and almost everything that happens to him...  There is a chance its all to hide a BF in Jersey)...  But unless he erased his A4A account, which could also be attributed getting a BF....  He's not in Jersey...

But to make it even more scary... He seems to want to try to "make it work"...  That his family is important that he wants to see if he can have a family with a "chicky babe"  well that's not his quote.... but you catch my drift.  I told him about Mathew Vines, and I wanted to tell him how scared I am for this to be happening.  But then I pulled back.  Its not up to me to try to "force this idea that being gay is ok"... I could see this fucking place using that I was trying to push him in the wrong direction, that I was only trying to make him evil and all that bullshit.... 

But you know, I was there in 1996.  Where I had a good intentioned priest, convinced me I was straight, that I helped "the one that I don't think I ever blogged about, but I'm not sure I could..." out of respect...  But it is BULLSHIT...  YOU ARE BORN GAY AND THERE ISN'T ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT.  GOD DOES NOT MAKE JUNK PERIOD...  And I can't get pass that I got to a point where I wanted death over not being true to myself...  But damnit Shawn, you had sex with me...  and still wanted more of me for a time being...  If I did not "make you straight" nothing will...  Just pisses me off that he finally got there, to admit to his parents he was gay, and of course they "could not" just accept it and be happy that now his a little odd behavior is explained and be proud of the "fabulous" son they have...  But to add this added "guilt trip" and Shawn your too old to be talked into this...  But then again everyone's journey is different.  I just hope it doesn't cause the damage these programs usually do..  And it didn't help during this crash I had another night where I sensed something bad happened at 2am.. and that hasn't happened since something did happen in 1996.

I wish I could tell you all the whole key thing that happened in 1996 where I lost my soul mate.  But for now I can't.  Or ever.  I have my feelings..  But I don't want to say anything for sure because I could be wrong...   But I lost one of the most amazing guys that year.  And I been trying to find something relative... not a copy...   but just someone that made me feel the same way that, that person made me feel....  and unfort....  I thought I felt it with Shawn...  and I don't want to lose him in a tragic way as well.  I'm not sure I could live through another 1996 incident.  However, I'm not responsible for people not ...  well...  Not seeing the same picture I do...  And not having them make the same mistakes I did, and well having some of the same regret....

But Mom seemed to have fun the two days she spent with me on the lake....  That was a good thing.

But to tie it all back to Assassins....  There is a audition coming up and I really think I would do well playing the Balladeer, recently done so well by the famous gay himself Neil Patrick Harris....  But I think its a much sought after role...  and well I know I have musicals in my head and have opinions on who I would already cast for the key roles....     But I'm hoping that maybe, I'll surprise them, and them surprise me...  I'm hoping politics doesn't play into it...  here's hoping....

Break a leg!
J