Song in my Mind ~ Mumford & Sons - Ghosts That We Knew

So lead me back, turn south from that place
And close my eyes to my recent disgrace
Cos you know my call and will share my all
And our children come they will hear me roar

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light
Cos oh they gave me such a fright
But I will hold on with all of my might
Just promise me we'll be alright

But the ghosts that we knew
Made us black and all blue
But we'll live a long life

First off, I must say...  the above song is LIVE....  and it almost sounds better then the studio album.  In this day that Justin Biber is a freakin star (who can't sing or play anything to save his life) thanks to autotune and a 12 year old girls body....    Mumford and Sons are like the real thing and gives me hope that talent is not dead....   Listen to the perfect placement of instruments at the correct time...  correct level, and then the power towards the end...  People, bands don't do this at all...  Most things this day is nothing more then Karaoke with autotune... Then you have this talented bunch of guys!! 

Well I haven't updated this since April.  And even in April I thought I was pulling out of the down spiral...  But I hadn't yet.  But maybe I'll get to that later...

So why this song in my mind...  Well if I ever get married I hope the person will allow me to have that song played as we are walking up to the "person who will sign the license..."  The words make me cry...  I'm once again just trying to focus on me, I'm not for the spiral thing anymore...  But I still somewhat believe that I will met someone that will help me "hope in the darkness and will see the light"....  Of course I want to get married still in Vermont at the "Bob Newhart Inn"...  I still remember they have the best food from last year....  haha...  And a nice cozy place to have a nice small Gay Marriage.... in a rugged state that likes the gays!!! 

And with the recent Supreme Court rulings...  At least we are going in the right direction, even if I don't ever find that one will want to "live a long life" with me.  Oh well..  at least there is some progress.

Shawn still pops in and out a little bit.  He said he still reads this blog from time to time and thanks me for the "Kind words about him..."  and I keep wondering if he really read the last one... haha....  But maybe he understands...  I kinda do...  Again I don't hate him, and I believed there could have been a path that would have made him happy and stress free..  But then again that way would have been me getting my way...  He is close to his family, which I am not.  He wants to try to keep those ties, and is hopeful he will and without much of the talk that he thinks he will eventually marry a girl thing, just because that's want is normal for the cultures of the parents.  There was a time that I was only 2 miles from his house, and he (I guess) attempted to meet me, but I guess he didn't hear me about needing to take a taxi, because for some reason New Jersey Transit sucks out of his city to the place where I was staying.  (4 mile taxi trip) 2+ hours transit trip.  When he was really late I called and he was upset that he wasn't even close, and he didn't make it and was upset that he couldn't "do it".  And upset that his parents wouldn't allow him to drive.  I offered to pay for the taxi since I just got back from a very profitable trip, but he wanted to do it on his own.  Which I can respect that...  But that hurt part of me, wonders if there is more to it.  Only because, he was attracted to this overweight 40yo, yeah I'm nice, but he is rather hot for a Brazalindian.. (just made that up, hopefully you can figure it out) that he could (and might) have something more closer and what not already.  He insists that he hasn't since we broke up...  But hell, I even still get hit on every now again, that could lead to good times....  But just a hook up...  no one wants more with me...

So I even invited him to camping...  But his "school" schedule changed again... Again I don't know any community colleges that go to school on Holidays...   so again, I can't just off hand believe the school talk.  (its always something just doesn't make sense..... )  When he was trying to meet up with me, it was that he was going to school on Mondays and Wednesdays...  and that Monday was Memorial Day... and he "had classes"?  I actually told him, "boy that teacher union sucks...  that they don't get national holidays...  and Now in July he is back to 8-5 Monday through Friday... Again...  Comm College....  I believe the classes can be back to 8-5... just not since Memorial Day...  But then again, short from calling up the school and ask "is this possible"  I'm just going to say ok...  Its not my place to fact check him...  So he is to let me know if his school schedule will allow him to come up for camping...  which I'm more concerned how he is going to get the parents on board... So however, I'm pretty sure he won't be camping his year.

Too bad because I'm stealing my Boss's 18 foot speed boat, and camping for 8 days.  I'm so tired of the crazy schedule, and I want hide in a place that has no cell phone.  I going to attempt to take Ceeto, and my one friend Joey might make the trip out from NYC to spend a few days.. and Mom was egging me on to steal the boat... so she should show up too..  I kinda wanted to have someone there to help setup, so I even extended an invitation to someone I shouldn't, however...  I guess that will play out ok...  So it will prob just be me and Ceeto, just got to make sure a bear doesn't eat him...

Unfort I had to give Jacob away, and I feel like a complete ass over it.  But if I was going to keep it his expenses was going to double, and I barely ride him, and just couldn't afford it.  So he will be moving out to Moore Oklahoma... Which I guess his moving date was postponed due to the Tornado...  poor guy, I hope he doesn't find his way to OZ....  I miss him, however the money I'm not using on him went to Insulation in the house, and a new bed.  Which to also add, since I'm now 40 I get to sleep in a diving bell...   Other then looking silly... and I'm waiting for the cats to bite the hose and I'll suffocate in my sleep...  I guess my snoring is gone, and that's one of the reasons Logan didn't like to stay over... so maybe that might help me find a man....  and OMG... I got a temper pedic bed...  I'm getting better sleep and some days with the magic vitamin D pills, I feel a bet better..   I might have turn the clocks back to maybe 35... haha...

I think I'm going to save some money and not go to Abay this year.  Last year was kinda fun with Logan, and what not...   But for the money I'm just not into this year... and I've been wanting to camp for a few years now with my old boat, then with not trusting the old boat...  this "substitute" boat will do great till I might buy my next one...

Mom is doing much better, and I even spoke to the Paternal unit to hit him up for a parking pass so camping will cost $40 bucks less...  and he even might visit...  however, already I know our current views of the political  side of things couldn't be more different...  but that's to be expected.

So...  if the third paragraph comes true?  Does everyone like my entrance music?  Who wants to be invited?  Who thinks I'll die alone?  I kinda do....   but oh well...   Right now...  I'm ok...

Best,
J