song in my mind ~ I don't know

Well the band gig on Saturday went well. But I ended up crashing, mentally on Sunday and it carried threw till tonight... I realized I worked almost two weeks without a day off... and with the gig... which hasn't been a common thing... just kinda stressed me out.

So bad... I started wondering if I did anything wrong in why the troll "is mad" at me. But... I'm able to talk myself out of it... He cheated on me the whole time we dated. And he's been like that always.. so no.. I did nothing wrong. And everyone that was ever around the two of us..... bitch slap me if I think anything else.

So oh well.... nothing else going on. I guess.

best,
j

song in my mind ~ Dancing Threw Life - Wicked the Broadway Musical

Why am I cursed by actually caring about people?

Not much going on. So that is why some of the past has been being thought about in my mind. I'm sticking to say SCREW THEM BOTH and walking away. Troll and LB reference.

I'm starting to like how I view things now. I'm actually in a state of mind I'm used to. Not looking for anything "Spectacular" is a good thing.

Not to say that all my thoughts are healthy. Little rage here and there. But over all its ok.

Now for a humorous side note.

My love life is suppose to be hot till late July. (now I thought a while back it would be after) hehe.... and this comes from two celly txt messages and the paper. But the one txt message stated.... "For Romance, attend a family gathering....." Granted being gay... and the first cousin thing doesn't matter..... but.... I still think its kinda sick that my stars are telling me to find romance at a family gathering. I DON'T LIVE IN TENNESSEE OR NORTH CAROLINA... come on... hehe....

Got a band gig coming up this Saturday... Which could mean more. And been busy at my "works"....

So.... tired... kinda lonely... but who has the time.

Best, guys... I know this is a different entry then others.. but hey.. hehe its not bad.

BTW... getting back to the caring...

There is a horrible thing going on down in Tennessee.. Some UNlicense reform camp is trying thier best to turn a 16yo gay youth to a sucidial condition. Read his blog... is a sad thing that is still happing in 2005....

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=7428306

Song In My Mind ~ Passion - Rod Stewart

Well... yeah I might have been stood up on Friday... and still haven't even heard anything from Chad..... Hope he is ok. But his loss....

Well.. the rest of the weekend went a little better. Thanks to two str8 friends.. made it interesting...

One.. well..... best in year. hehe....

The other... great friendship.. We made dinner, and just seem really nice to have someone to do the little things with. I was happy. It took two str8 bois to do it. But it was a good end to the whole thing.

Neither know about the other... so its ok. Gawd... this crap only happends to me.

till next time,
j

ps.. the one that made dinner is straight no doubt. He would be perfect for me if he wasn't... but he is. as for the other.. he's straight to.. and so was the other straight boi back in January. Sad thing The Str8 bois in my life are better looking then any of the other "ones" I've dated. Again this crap only happends to me. :)

song in my mind ~ Why God - Miss Siagon

Well, yet another fun encounter with a guy. If he wouldn't have just disapeared off the face of the Earth for the last two days.

Oh well... Chad... he seemed nice.

However I did find a very good sushi place in Rochester.... If I ever want to go out on a date with myself again.

Oh well... but as my friends tell me, I'm better off alone then with the Troll or the LB.

Least the house is clean out of it.

bye
j

song in my mind ~ Untitled - Simple Plan

Well..... Chad and I talked last night.... I like everything so far.... Its been different this time.... Bottom line... no game playing.. I'm very happy.... hehe

But... trying to get this house from the horrible condition it was in for the last 4 months of my depression drop... has been a chore.. hehe.. But my attitude has been good for the most of the week.. and I can't remember a good attitude lasting that long for a long time. But in that... I need to finished up laundry, dishes, and maybe bills. I started all these already.. so its getting there... only bad thing is its Thursday and every Thursday I'm already sleep deprived become of Karaoke Wednesday. [I've been doing it since 2001 so I should be used to it... :) ]

But... enough of this... I gots to get back to work. And call Chad tonight at 9.

Best,
J

ps... notice no references to Bradford Drama!!!!! hehe... that it for even pointing it out... I'm so so happy.. right now!!!!

song in my mind ~ I Don't Care Anymore - Phil Collins

Well.... way too many troll sightings... but I piss him off with either a one finger salute, or calling him by his trademark. Chester.

It's official. Sunshine is will always be..... LB The Little Bastard. I met someone that was able to inadvertently give me information that proves that its all been one big lie for over a year. All I have to say... Karma. He'll get his.

So... moving on to a new chapter.

Been Talking to a cute 24yo from Rochester. Plans are we are meeting face to face this Friday. We shall see if it's a good thing or not. He's either alot like me... or a good fibber... which being like me could be a good thing or a bad thing.

We both loss someone that we really loved. To very tradgic circumstances. I just hope he's telling the truth.... I fill bad for my new meetings.... I've been lied to by the best.... so I'm getting a little protective. Maybe a little bit over protective.

But on a positive note. I'm breaking or burning the twisted interconnected bridges in this town. Finally getting along over the crap of the last year and then some.

I hope at least... Chad is helping right now. For now.

AS well. I keep getting very SUPPORTIVE talks from people out of the blue. I sense a setup.. hehe.. but a good one. Its all about how great I have always been. My talent... I would do better if I moved and used my talents... This is the third gang up in recent weeks. And its them saying it to me... not me bitching and them offering the advice.

But its tough for me to listen to people thinking I have more then I like to give my self credit for.

Oh well...

Times they are a changing.... hehe

Best,
J