Song in my mind ~ Angry Dance - Billy Elliot the Musical

Thank God I found a much better Internet "Broadway" radio then Sirius!!!! whew!!!

Oh well..

Where to start. Well Tony and I have had some rocky times, but we are still together. He still has not found employment, and well... I'm getting literally tired working 70 hours a week... After the last "words exchange" its gotten better.... I think....

Well... I don't know.. But first I need to stop referring to "LB" as "LB"... so the person who used to be formally known as "LB" and I are still talking. Least I think... We seem to have problems on Saturdays, he become little AWOL.... haha and today is a Saturday.

I'm a bit torn between Tony and ... ok TPWUTBFKALB isn't going to work. So I guess Jay is gonna have to work.... ok I'm a bit torn between Tony and Jay. And I know its quite possible the future isn't perfect with either. I care about both of them. And both have their strong points. I still just see Jay as a friend only... Esp when both have access to this blog... I could be is some REAL TROUBLE. haha

I feel bad when I reread some of the old posts where I refer to Jay as the other thing.... and of course thats back when I cared about when he hung out with a certain person... But now... I don't care about that... the grading scale is only focused between us. And my past blogs over the years is one sided of course. But again. Thats the past... and I asked him why both of us keep giving each other another chance after another chance. He just said he understood about how that other person can have an effect on people. Mostly negative.

And as for Tony... he has only said he loved me once, and that was a slip. So, of course I'm not feeling totally complete. That I see it only as sometimes as a 'roomate with Benni's'. But if I really only felt that I would have followed through when I thought we should end things. So like Ado Annie... I just can't say no... to either one of them.... YET.... hehe

Well the good news that Ceeto and the cancer scare seems to be over. The bad news is that Deoge is really not so well. He's been to the vet twice with a third appointment this Wednesday. He has an infection in his upper mouth area in the jaw line. The vet fills strongly that its probably a form of cancer. If we can't get the infection cleared up... (this is the second round of anti-biotic and pain meds) we might have to put him to sleep. And that freakin kills me every time I say that. He just is my buddie... I can't do it. I won't be able too till he can't cuddle on his own and do the things as he does. He is fourteen this month. And there was many times in the last fourteen years I truly believed he would have out lived me. I just pray I have a few more years, because he is still too young to die, and he is still with it, and he's just has the most perfect personality. So... we pray...

Of course I'm on call this weekend, hence the update. And this weekend is being the one from hell. But I'm hopefully that my next one will continue to say that all is well with Tony, Jay and Deoge cat.... I hope.

Best,
j