Song in my mind ~ If I had a rocket launcher - Bruce Cockburn

I guess I only think of that song when I'm stressed.

Bad things...

One I can't mention cause I'm done. I'm pissed that I even looked for info... its over, past, I need to move on, he's stupid. And things are working out for other people, and I wish I could be happy, but I have been the biggest byitch over it.

I really don't like the holidays coming up. Why. Cause once again I'm alone, things are changing in my life and I don't think I like them.. Then I'm probably better off alone.

Esp when I keep buying toys. I've improved some of my band and karaoke light show, something I don't really need... but I WANTED IT!!! HAHA...

Work has been ok. However its been really busy. So.. I'm always tired.

And something I haven't been saying on here. And I don't know why it happends, as I have been trying to focus on is that my life is generally pretty good. But with the ALONE monster definetly gaining groud, I'm just not happy with my life. I'm not sucidal, however, I guess right now I wouldn't mind too much if I was told I was gonna die soon. Which is very ungrateful. I have it really good, I shouldn't complain about my life. But I still can't get over the point, I feel its useless if you don't have someone to share it with.

Deoge is doing well after the trip to the vet. I'm not sure if he's eating enough so I have to sneak him some of "the good stuff", but that pisses off the fat cat.. haha oh well... Ceeto plays dumb, but not when I'm trying to get deoge something that he won't necesary hog it down, but deoge needs it more then he does... amazing... haha and kinda funny too.

Well as it stands, the person that will use my second Spring Awakening ticket, is a cute boy from Western PA thats going to school in Cleveland. He's just as big of a Broadway hoe as me... which is saying alot, so I thought it be fun. Just as friends... however I have to reassure him that I'm for real, and even had to scan the tickets to show him. But with him not knowing me from Adam, and such, it is damn wierd to say the least on both sides, so I can understand him being cautious.. and I have the same feelings. He's really busy, so when I txt him I don't always get a reply... so that makes me worry a bit as well...

I do have to be careful, I told him to read my blog to see that I'm really for real adn that after being hurt, the last thing I could do is hurt someone. But Ray, you got the full truth here..

So we have a month till the show!!!! and the Strike is OVER!!!!!!!!!!! YAY......

Oh well on call has been hell so far.. so I need to get a shower and sleep.

till next time,
j