Song in my Mind ~ I Don't Do Saddness - Spring Awakening

Grrr...

Well, I'm kinda doing a little better.... But I hit a rather low, low, earlier this week. Not really sure why. J2 also known as Jesse had a bit to do with it... but not him personally, but just the whole being alone thing. Two Mondays ago he said he wanted to do dinner and then a movie, (hence this has been planned three times at least now) and when the day comes up he just doesn't respond to txts or anything. A week goes by then he sends me a cute sexy pic, and I think WTF. I started to like the dialog between us, and it was getting pretty regular. But this making plans and not coming threw works my last gay nerve. Well 24 hours after he since the pic he asked if I wasn't talking to him, so I kinda think he knew better.... Then there was talk about talking and that didn't happen... So... I'm done. But I probably should have been done a while ago. But I was hopeing that something would come out of that attempted friendship.

Here I think I changed and it still happens.. I give people to much room to screw with me. However... that could be good.... even after all this I still think that someone could come threw. I don't know. But Tuesday was bad... I got real low and had major headaches. And I even missed a important meeting at work, so that isn't good.

Work... Even though I have had some days off, I feel I'm running myself into the ground. However, one set of days off was going to NYC with Shandon and even though it was fun, it took its toll on me, and last weekend I had off, but I busted my butt in a structure fire burn class with the fire dept, so that wasn't much R&R either.

Not to mention that on Thursday a big storm hit, and total of five fire calls we had. So no wonder I'm tired.

This weekend... haha... I'm oncall from Friday to Saturday, then drive to NYC for a rather busy trip that ends Monday, which I have to drive back right away cause I have a full day on Tuesday... so from now till Tuesday 5pm I'll be non-stop. And so far the phone won't stop ringing so on call is sucky too.

As I said I hit a rather low, low. Lowest since I moved down here. I just wanted it to end. Semi-suicidal... however knowing what it would do to mom... just can't. But jeeze... at least in the love department, give me something. Shandon was tough to do all that with him in nyc and fight those feelings. And Jon, it seems now, seems to be my best friend... my gawd. He just is so special. I'd do anything for him. And he's completely 100% Straight. Why does this happen. But he helps with Karaoke and just is being a really good friend. And he's 21 so its proof that its possible to be we are good friends even with the age gap. And as I see it, if he was indeed gay it would work rather well. But I think thats the point. It seems they don't make that same model of a person in a gay version. But at least I have a great friendship. And he's not dumb. I sure he knows how I feel about him. And hell he takes my harassment well. haha....

So all that is coming together and I'm not the person I was a month or so ago. I'm pretty sure I will bounce out of it. This week however it seems I have been fighting back the tears all the time. But I read one of the blogs I read regularly and it talked about not giving up on hope... so maybe that was good timing. Who knows.

I'm making this a (must be friends) post on myspace... WAY to many lurkers.... wow... And I rather not let the troll and LB have a chance to read it. I'm even thinking on deleting Jesse's match. Who knows...

Oh well.

Its gotta get better. Lets hope
j

Song in my mind ~ Song of Purple Summer - Spring Awakening

Yeah, I know thats the second time. So much to type about... probably forget alot... haha..

Lets see... Well Chris turned into just a fling. And J2 is still at the same level, (txting...) but he cut my hair again and did a great job... Although he responds to the txts a little better now.

Well... Starting Saturday I was on vacation, and it was over all REALLY good.

Overall.. I went to Bradford early on Saturday to stop by and hang out with Dolly (faghag) and we went to the Italian Fest... Saw mostly all the good people, however I did see the little bastard. He said hi, and he looks like crap. Probably the drugs from what I hear... could be a illness... who knows with him. I felt nothing. He threw his life away... I feel bad for him.

Picked up the friend I was taking to the show rather later then I planed... and it was because he felt he needed to get high before we left... Which really was sad. He seems to be going down the same road as the little bastard and alot of people in that damn town.

Oh well.. got to NYC and we took the water taxi, that was fun and very visual as usual. We kinda got stuck under the Brooklyn Bridge because the skipper of the boat could not get docked in this one area... but that kinda lenghen the trip so on return trip we got sunset and night veiws... which was amazing.... Got dinner and then went back to the hotel. Monday we hit some music shops and he tackled the subway for the first time... haha... Battery Park we met the only wild turkey in Manhattan (that isn't in a bottle)... the weather was perfect..... and nice view of New York Harbor.

Went and saw Spring Awakening. The ON STAGE seats where nothing short of AMAZING!!!!!

Oh I forgot how powerfull that show was... And to top it off, my plan for seeing Jon's butt on stage was perfect... (so was the butt) haha.

We met the whole cast afterwords, and got some really great pictures. Well some I look like a dork...

I think my friend had a good time. He's straight so I had to harrass him a little.. but hopefully not too much.

Not sure where things will lead with J2. But I would love to show NYC to someone on a more romantic way... It was tough a little... My friend was hot.. so I had to keep myself in check.

Oh well.. I think thats it.

Best,
j

Sond in my mind ~ any KMS song!

Well first off. Happy Robot Pride Day! And where were you on the night of August 4th?

www.robotprideday.com

Well… lets see. Again, just when J2 seemed to have forgotten me, he'll txt. Send a cute picture. Or something along those lines.. however.. it got to the point I hoped the next txt wouldn't come. The 21st bday came and went, and he thanked me for the flowers then ignored me for 6 days after. However during that time I met Kris.

Last Sunday for work I drove to Kennywood and Sand Castle. It was a group I already knew. So that was kinda nice. I got into the parks for free so it was really fun, and I got to enjoy what they had to offer. Sand castle was filled with fabulous eye candy… including two from my group, and one of them was Kris.

Well at Kennywood, Kris and I started talking, and after we got back he got my cell number and immediately started txting me. Well things lead up to a nice dinner on Thursday then we went back to his apartment to talk and watch tv. And that lead to a little more… but that's all I'm going to say.

J2 also wanted to "hang out" on Thursday, however knowing his track record that is why I felt it necessary to choose Kris. He might be a year younger, but he seems more grounded and well… Interested… haha….

I'm oncall and the drivers are already making it tough to get any shut eye… but I'm hoping that its will become more quiet. Hoping I can figure out how to hang out with Kris a lot this week including Sunday night….

There is a minor down side however. He is graduating from his Culinary course this week, and he lives almost 4 hours away. Well we know that if I was involved there had to be a hitch in there somewhere. I look at it, that it could work, least with a long distance relationship… he won't get too bored to quick with me… haha…

But we shall see what happeneds.

Best,
j