Song in my mind ~ Still ~ You'll think of me - Keith Urban

I don't understand it. Wed, at the therapists we both agreed I was doing well... it was a month since I seen or heard of the LB... or the troll for that matter... Well that ended Thurs AM... I wake up to see that the LB has notified me of his "New" cell phone number. It was a whole month... So again I let my guard down. Only said what I thought was safe and smart. About my new attitude, and officially saying my life was going well without him in my life. But he wanted to call and talk. Of course all the facts and "feelings" that I learned over the last month are false... I kept asking myself, we are all these people lying and "He's" the one telling the truth. Chances of that being true is possible... like... maybe a point one nine percent.....

But two interesting things came out of it. I asked him if he was interested in someone... He said Nope.... Not even looking.... so I at first thought his "date" last friday bombed... and that might have been the reason why he was sinking to call me up. But according to his blog... he's just gushing over this new twink from Olean. So that would be a lie correct?

And the Troll's Blog about being in love with this unnamed person.. and buying beer and hating his current screw disappeared... This was a topic we talked about... so.... I don't know...

He was suppose to call last night... and didn't .. surprised as much as I am? I didn't think so.... So... I only slipped for a day... and again I'm back to looking for much better things to come.

Example of that is, I have a group of people really don't know me that well, coming up from the state college area just to visit tonight at karaoke. If people that like me from the few times I chatted with them during the bus stops in the last year are coming all that way for me... That there is proof that the LB should see what a amazing person I am and quit screwing with me...

Only if he could have a conversation with me that I can't so easily disprove. And why do I have to investigate in the first place.

LB good luck with your Olean hottie. and leave me alone. Thanks.

Love to the rest of ya.
Best,
j

Song in my Mind ~ You will think of me - Keith Urban

Hey.. Nothing much going on... Lots of work.. Met some more neat female types on Sunday during work... One promise to find me a cutie... but I think she wanted me more.

Getting ready to spend some time with Jacob right now.... (the horse)

And I just thought I add..... those stupid answer one random question and heres you prediction web crap I usually don't buy into.... but this one. This what your month tells you... is pretty damn close if I don't say so myself.


March
Attractive personality.sexy. Affectionate.Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented.Loves special things. Moody

Song in my mind ~ Defying Gravity - Wicked

What can I say.... NYC was GREAT AGAIN!!!! The "Guest House" it would have been romantic, if I didn't have a str8 boy with me. But he was great too in just being there. He's a true friend.... (if he only get my damn car patched up).....

But the house was amazing.. and the suite would be a high priority to take a significant other someday.... hehe

WICKED WAS AMAZING. I knew it was going to be big.. And some of the plot scared me thinking it would be corny. And it was but it was a ok corny.

But wow.. I got blown away... And of course I was bawling threw the whole damn thing... Stew kept asking me if I was ok.. hehe.. But no one understands the power I get in that situation.. its the most beautiful thing to me.

Ben Vereen was good (interesting being a pippen fan)... and I totally forgot that Rue McClanahan was guest staring... OMG... of course that struck a gay nerve..hehe.. but she was just like Mother Superior unfort.... But excellent show.... It was well worth the trip....

Just wish I didn't have to come back to Bradford.

Other then that.... Met with the lawyer on Tuesday... that will be coming to a end soon thank God. And.... thats about it.

Till next time
Best,
J

Song in my mind ~ The Famous Finale Scene - Bob Seger

hello.....

just a quick update... no sex since the cute bi boy last week.... hehe... known him for a while... and it took me three years to ask him if he was bi.... very cute and good body.. hehe... Hope he visits again .... soon!!!!

Went horseback riding on Tuesday. Jacob was a twit for a little bit.. but I really think we are making progress. He's like me... likes to be lazy... but we are working on that.. and he showed me alot of progress in taking my lead.

Getting ready for NYC this weekend. Staying overnight in Chelsey, going out. Hopefully visiting Ground Zero on the 11th... And of course Wicked!!!!!

Taking Stew... The one that everyone thinks is gay.. but isn't... the straight boy that tells me he loves me.... COOKS A GREAT DINNER!!! but... Likes girls.... Whats up with that????? hehe

Maybe Chelsey will help me this weekend???

or not.

Actually I KNOW I'm going to get hit on by a hottie... and I won't be able to be bad.... I won't kick Stew out on the streets of NYC... hehe Maybe he'll meet a cute bi-girl.... not all that bad for a Str8 boy in Chelsey

I'm going to bed... I'm rambling... and its not about despressing crap.

Read all about it. MAN KILLED BY FOWL PLAY.

Like I could get that lucky. Almost though.

Sunday while driving bus. I was enjoying a nice sunny day... and all you can thank me ... if I had real plans it would have rained. Well I can't say that either... the Big Guy has been really nice to whenever I have camped on this weekend, not rain when they predicted it... so I can't complain. But back to the point.

Going on 118 between Wilkes-Barre and Williamsport. Nice but kinda boring highway.. no cell service I'm driving along.... There is a truck in front of me... and I see brake lights... and then I see a skinny Gobbler.... (not the normal fat ones... lucky or not) well he decided to start walking towards the woods when the SMALL truck passes him... I'm like ok... Then I remembered the time I hit one with my red Toyota... too late.. that stupid turkey decided.. oh miss the SMALL truck.. lets try to fly across in front of the BIG bus. *Turkey's don't fly well*

Unlike the truck I didn't get a chance to yell.... "PULL UP.... PULL UP...."

Just......

S*M*A*S*H*

I don't know how I didn't get glass in my eyes... but I was covered in it. I was amazed I thought windshields where covered on both sides with this protective thing to make the glass flying impossible... but I guess not...

Oh well... I guess the bird is dead. There was feathers embedded into the glass.

I had the Pittsburgh run today. Coming back I met a nice girl from Texas... She got my turkey story... and unfort the Troll and the LB story and a few others.... I bought her a sandwich at Arbys and we talked till her VERY CUTE internet boyfriend was able to get from Oil City to DuBois. Greyhound gave her a nightmare ride with a 8 hour delay.. so as usual they send her up to DuBois for a 12 hour lay over... well... She heard all my nightmare stories about those two... and she just said I was a very good person... and the highlite of her trip thus far...

I kinda realized... that just because the Troll and LB don't care that I have the qualities that matter.... I need to be strong, so at least every now and again I can be a good person to someone that needs it. Hell as I been bitching that isn't being seen too much these days. So all the way home I kinda cried. Mostly good tears. I trust if I stay patient. I will get what I need. And it will be good enough. To forget the things that now trouble me. I'm feeling it.. I'm getting stronger. I kinda hope it lasts. Still thinking about the DEADline. But... maybe if I keep remembering what counts. And tonight... I was important. I will continue to find what I lost or was taken from me. But it is getting better.

Kinda a postive post. whew!!!

Best,
J