Music in my mind ~ Elevator Music unfort

This week hasn't been the greatest.
With the lack of sleep I shouldn't be writing this now. But... After then I'm attempting to make it to Buffalo for a Sushi run. And then maybe Jamestown. I want a life... And this double weekday karaoke in kicking my butt.
Well. Thursday morning I get another kick in the gut from the Bradford Era. The last post talked about my friend Eric losing his dad two weeks ago. Well during dinner we talked about how his father's father decided to maybe partake in heart surgery, which he was originally against. I thought maybe he was stepping up to the plate to help Eric and his sister.... And Clyde. (the dog) Bridget is going to have a baby so I it was a nice thing to see grandpa thinking to fight. But unfort he committed suicide Wednesday morning. Two weeks after his son (Eric's dad) died.
Once again I called Eric to say how sadden I was about his lost. And I went further to say that I have cared about him for fourteen years, and if there was anything I could do to make this nightmare go away, I would. But again I didn't get a return call.... So I don't know... I know the last statement was "I don't know"... But damnit I do really feel alot for him. And it really sucks that he is experiencing suck horrible things. Even more horrible then I would wish on the Troll. And thats alot.
But then one of the things I wonder about when I feel I'm on a streak of bad luck I wonder if I did something horrible and karma is getting me back. But no. Eric is not a bad person at all. Few dumb mistakes every now and again. As me.... But he could never do anything to desevre this. So its back to bad things happen to good people.
Well its WAS suppose to be a good day today for me. But if you been reading this, I gave up that hope pretty much in January. Its been a year since I have been really really close to suicide. And although the reason I held one a year ago is more a liability then a asset... I'm ok with that. Don't care what happends with that person.. And kinda hope he does move like he said he was thinking of. His loss. And I believe that. I'm glad that Eric has Peter to help him. Thats what a relationship is for. Thats why I want one. But also the reason why I'm not in one. There hasn't been any compatible ones out there... That I think would be
So today is a me day.... Treating myself to sushi... And don't give a rats ass about the LB or the Troll... (or CJ if I have renamed him on this yet.)
But I had to get it off my chest. And it feels good.
Best,
J
PS. The picture above is about two Iranian youths that were murder by the Iranian courts because they did homosexual acts. Yes, I'm outraged over this. Yes its wrong. But a part of me, thinks that it might have been for the best. There's nothing wrong with being gay. But it does seem if you don't want to a slut, and want a meaningful relationship with a purpose. That it will be more painful then anything... And in a country like that. Least they aren't in pain for being who they are. And hopefully their death wont be in vain.